what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
