Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
