She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
