It's just like the Real World with babies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
