"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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