Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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