Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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