this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want to be your penis for a week.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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