Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
