I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
