id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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