just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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