Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She told me I should be a condom model.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bring me that man meat
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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