I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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