You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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