But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
