Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
