I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
