Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
