Swine flu. Run for my life!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
