i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
