i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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