I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
