We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
