Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Shame - the story of my life.
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