Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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