I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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