roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
