All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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