I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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