I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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