My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you had me at cake vodka
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
