Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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