they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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