Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
