Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
