HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
