...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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