all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
