Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
