and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
