If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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