lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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