I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
