totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
