We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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