he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
