mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
