I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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