you guys were way drunker than both of me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
