We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
