I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
