OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
