dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
