You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
