So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize