when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize