you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
