every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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