You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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