It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
