You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
