Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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