Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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