oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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