I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
