NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
